Kai :::: One Month Old!

I used to be that girl who said growing up, "I want lots of kids, atleast three." I can tell you that has taken a left turn these past four weeks. Maybe it's because the newborn stage is not my favorite, or because my eight hours of sleep a night has been completely diminished. Either way, I would be content with just our little Kai. :) (I've been told I'll forget all these things...we shall see!)

 

It was after only a few weeks of sleepless nights, Kai's constant crying, and wanting to pull our hair out, that we decided to take Kai to the doctor because we just thought it "didn't seem right." He assured us that he is in good health, but has extreme colic. Oh boy. We know it's going to be a long road the next 3-4 months, but we are ready for whatever God has prepared. This 1 month old miracle is worth it.

There isn't a whole lot to post right now, probably because my mind feels like a blur most of the time. God's been reminding me of his goodness, and to rely on HIS strength and not my own every single moment of every day.  With that, I am hanging on to his strength.
                                            
                                                                                                         [until next month!] :)

Kai :::: Two(+) Weeks Old

I can't believe our little man is already two weeks old. Okay, maybe I can. It has been quite an adventure these past few weeks! I know they say that you are supposed to "sleep when the baby sleeps," but that is hard for me. I am the type of person that always feels like she has to be "doing" something, and so when he sleeps, I need to clean, or read, or pinterest (I know, it shouldn't be that important!) but regardless, I need to learn to sleep more. Maybe I'll soon realize.

It's been so fun watching the little things that Kai does. He is the most alert baby I have ever seen (really!) His eyes are always wide open, and very curious. He loves, loves, loves, to look around and make sure he knows exactly what is going on every where. For being a little over two weeks old, it's quite amazing and entertaining. The crazy part is that he came out of my womb this way! I just love him.

Kai definitely has my stubbornness in wanting to stay awake, and NEVER sleep! I thought newborns were supposed to sleep 'all' the time. :) I'm sure this will change, as he is still trying to figure out what happened in a matter of hours to his original "home." He doesn't really like to take his "binky," and the swing isn't his favorite either. Most times, laying him down and allowing him to look around brings contentment to him. I like to think he is 'staring at angels.' :)

We are so proud, and lucky to be Kai's parents. It still hasn't completely set in. Dylan has been an incredible help these past few weeks! He helps feed him in the middle of the night, and does everything he can to help me. He is such a good dad and I am so thankful for him.

Here are some two week old pictures of Kai (if you haven't already seen them on his facebook album!):

Labor and Delivery Story

Well, apparently I "tried" to finish my pregnancy blog because I started to write this for my 38-39 week update and never finished it....

"This is the most uncomfortable time of pregnancy, no doubt in my mind! I've finally asked Dylan for help when putting shoes on, and I can't seem to tie my shoes very well either. :) Oh, the joys...

It could be any day now. Although, after my doctor's appointments, it's looking like he is comfortable where he is. I am okay with that, I think. Although, Dylan's family is coming here for Thanksgiving, and we are hoping he arrives in time to meet them!" 

Guess what, he did come before then! It has been such a crazy past few weeks, but I wanted to share Kai's birth story since people have been inquiring about it.

I believe that God's hand has been in this pregnancy in so many tangible ways. From having our due date so close to Dylan's brother, Patrick Kelly passing, to allowing Kai to come just on time so that his family could see this amazing gift of new life. God is good. He knows exactly what we need, when we need it. HIS timing is perfect, and it will always supersede our own "agenda."

It was Thursday morning, and I had planned to go to ChuckECheese with my sister Karra, and nephew Pax. It was exactly two weeks from when I went on maternity leave with Starbucks, and I was ready for Kai to make his entrance into the world. Even though I was ready, I knew that it was up to him to come when he was ready. My sister had dropped me off at my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot, and lo and behold, as soon as I stepped out of her car, it felt as though I had peed my pants (which can be normal for pregnancy in your last trimester). So, I proceeded to get into my car, and realized that whatever was coming out of me was not stopping! My water had broke, O boy. 

(Let's rewind to just a few days before when the midwife had told me that I was only a finger-tip dilated, and I was probably going to be atleast 1 week late...what a complete shock!)

So, I went home to get my bags and tried to change my pants (which never happened because it was THAT bad), and my sister followed me there just in case. Dylan left school and came as soon as he could to the apartment as well. We rushed around to get everything because we weren't sure how much time we had (not knowing I would be in labor for 18 hours!) :) We headed to the hospital excited, nervous, anxious, and many other emotions that come when you realize, "it is time!"

When I got to the hospital, they checked me, and I was still only a finger-tip dilated. What a disappointment. This baby was going to come, but I wasn't progressing enough for him to come on his own. Dreading to hear the word, I knew I was going to have to get "Pitocin, (which speeds up your labor, and makes your contractions come faster & worsens the pain.")  So, after I got admitted into my room, my mid-wife came in to let me know what the game plan was. They started me on Pitocin right away, and put a balloon-like device to stretch my cervix so that it would open it up. From 1:00-9:30 PM, I was only dilated at 3 centimeters, and knew it was going to be a long night. After talking with my mid-wife, I decided to get the epidural, which I was very happy about considering how long everything was taking and how much pain I was in from the strong contractions. 

The night seemed to go on FOREVER. Of course, I did not sleep because of the nurses coming in to move me around so that they could make sure the babies heart rate was okay AND because of the excitement, nerves, etc. My incredible mom and husband stayed with me in the room the whole night. Finally, at around 4 AM, I was 10 centimeters dilated, and I was ready to push! This was probably the funniest part (is that normal?), considering how tired we all were, and how ready we were to meet Kai! I set goals for when I wanted him to come out, and it wasn't until Dylan said, "Okay, by 6:15, this baby is coming out!" and Patrick Kai McMurry was born at 6:14 AM, on my due date, November 18th, 2011. He had strawberry blonde hair, and was absolutely perfect! We were all exhausted by this point, and in tears seeing this amazing miracle that God has blessed us with.

Kai McMurry -- We love you so much, and feel so blessed and honored to be able to raise you into the man that God has designed you to be. 

36 & 37 Weeks

 

Well, I am an auntie again, and I love it! I can't even begin to describe the excitement of seeing and holding our new little nephew, Holt Levi Lajzer. :) It was not only an exciting time seeing him, but the realization that this will be our family in about 3 weeks seems surreal. Crazy, almost. Life is going to change in more ways than I can even imagine, and I am content with that.

Besides my hands swelling, and the lack of sleep some nights, I can't complain to much. I am ready to meet our little boy, but I also know the longer he is in there, the better! So, with no dilation, and no signs of labor, I'll keep on keepin' on. :) I've felt very blessed this week. The support from family and friends is overwhelming at times, and so amazing. When everyone around me is asking how I am doing, and how excited they are to meet our little boy, I can't help but smile, and be grateful that we have such incredible family surrounding us. Thank you, for all your support and love during this season of our lives, we definitely feel it.

My "tiredness" has gotten the best of me the past few weeks, which is why I haven't been up to "blogging." My last work day until I go into labor is this Thursday and I am looking forward to it (although I have always enjoyed working throughout the Holidays, despite the chaos that usually occurs). The 8-9 hours a day on foot can take a toll on my back, and legs! I don't have much to post this week, but I did post some pictures of my belly with some baby names. Our little man's name IS indeed in those four names, and you can have fun trying to guess which one it is. :)

35 Weeks

They say your equilibrium is off when you are pregnant, and I would have to agree (including my husband). For some reason, this past week has been nothing but dropping things and/or seamlessly running into things. Oh boy...it makes for a good laugh, that's for sure!

We are almost finished with the babies room. I am contemplating posting pictures because it has the babies name on the wall. Maybe I will when it is completely finished? You'll find out one way or another. :) Our little man is growing fast, and things are looking good. He is in position for labor, and ready to face this crazy world.

I've been feeling the same...mostly tired by the end of the day, and ready for bed. I haven't felt any kind of contraction (that I am aware of) during my pregnancy thus far. Some of my friends said they didn't feel anything until they went into labor, so that might just be the case for me. Only time will tell (literally!)....5 or so weeks, and it is time. Some days it still seems surreal, and other days, it can't come fast enough.

I read this quote from my friends blog and I couldn't help but post it on here because it resonated with my heart so much (speaking about their own mother)....
 

"My mother summed it up, "my job is to create a balance in you, one to give you roots and wings at the same time, without allowing one to dwarf the other."

I've been thinking about our little man, and even though he is a baby and will be for awhile, he will eventually grow up and venture out on his own. I don't know if that means he will move far away (he could), or if he will stay where he is raised (who knows?), but it does mean that I have to allow him to spread his wings and fly, with the realization of his family roots, and the importance of spending quality time with them. There is a great balance that should take place between these two things, and I pray that our little boy finds that balance, and isn't afraid to fly.

34 Weeks

I'm tired. worn out. burnt out...and many other mixed emotions that I can't seem to explain. It was a rough past week for me. I wish I could say otherwise, but that is the truth. It seems all too easy to say that I trusted and leaned on Jesus when I was tired and weary, but sometimes that just doesn't happen. Other times, I have full confidence that I can trust in His word when He says to his people,

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30.

His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. One simply little sentence, that can change our whole perspective. I know that Jesus is speaking to those who are trying to "abide by every single rule the Pharisee's are teaching," but I also believe that the truth of this scripture can be comforting to those (including myself) who are just tired and weary from everyday life. What an incredible invitation from Jesus himself. I'll take it!

34 weeks...and counting! I am definitely feeling it. I've seemed to get more and more tired as the days go on, as much as I've wanted to go outside and take a long run, I know that it's just not possible at this point. Our little man has been moving around lots and lots, which is quite interesting at times! Dylan has enjoyed those little moments when he can feel his son pushing against my belly. We've set up some stuff for his room, but still have quite a bit to do. Hopefully we will finish that this week! Other than that, things are going well, and we are anxiously anticipating his arrival. :)

32 & 33 Weeks

 
The size of a small watermelon...nope, even better, a pineapple! Can you believe it? Our baby is growing rapidly, and mommy is definitely feeling it. :) I'm not sure if it's his hand, foot, leg, butt, etc. that is constantly reminding me he is down there. Whatever it is, it is a little miracle, and blessing. Sleep has been difficult this past week, due to the fact that my legs/back have been hurting quite a bit, and my hands are still pretty numb.

I haven't had the energy to write these blogs the past few weeks (as you might have been able to tell). It's that feeling you get when you are so exhausted you don't want to do anything when you get home but fall into bed, and sleep all night! Although, the sleep part has been hard, that is how I have felt coming home from work most nights.

Our baby shower was this past weekend, and we felt very blessed! It was a wonderful time to spend with family and friends, and a great way to celebrate the life of baby McMurry. :) Thank you to all who came and for all those who get to celebrate this season of our life.

I read this quote this past week, and wanted to share it (that's all):

"If God is sovereign, then He is in control of all the details of my life. If He is loving, then He is going to be shaping the details of my life for my good. If He is all-wise, then he's not going to do everything I want because I don't know what I need. If He is patient, then He is going to take time to do all this. When we put all these things together-- God's sovereignty, love, wisdom, and patience-- we have a divine story. 

Paul E Miller

31 Weeks

 

"Today I am desperate enough to pray. When I think about prayer, about what it is and what it brings to my life and what it tells me about the way life is, I realize, for the thousandth time, that the alternative is about as smart as building your house on marshmallow fluff or taking flintstone vitamins to cure cancer..." -Shauna Niequist (Book - Cold Tangerines)

Shauna Niequist is one of those people I could sit down and probably have a 24 hour conversation with...and never get bored. She's real. authentic. vulnerable. and transparent in more ways than one. She tells it like it is, and isn't afraid too. I read this from one of her chapters in her book Cold Tangerines, and it resonated with my week this past week...

I find myself praying for our little man more than ever. I wish I could say that it happens all the time, but I would be lieing to you if I did. Usually I begin to pray at the last moments of the day, or when all other means have failed (including my ability to think I can control every situation in life).  It seems that I go straight to God when I think I can't do anything else about the situation and/or circumstance. Funny, huh? It should never start with me, nor should it end with me. My desperate prayer is that before even thinking about what I would do in a situation, my eyes would gaze towards heaven, and my heart would cry out to God who knows and understands my needs and wants more than anyone (including myself) ever would or could.

I read this quote this past week, and it reminded me of the power of prayer. I consistently need to be reminded of how powerful prayer is, and that it should be in my thought process all the time...

"The prayer of the feeblest saint on earth who lives in the spirit and keeps right with God is a terror to Satan. The very powers of darkness are paralyzed by prayer...no wonder Satan tries to keep our minds fussy in active work till we cannot think in prayer."

Oswald Chambers

So, baby boy, I pray that you would see you are created by the King of the universe. You are wonderfully made, and loved by Him more than mommy and daddy could ever love you. I pray that God would reveal Himself to you in powerful ways as you live for Him. I pray that your contentment would be found in His hands, and not in the things of this world. Times will get tough, and life will be hard, but remember to always call out to God, He alone can save you. Live for Him, and love others as He did.

In His Joy, Mommy

30 Weeks

Aside from my right hand being constantly tingly and numb (pregnancy carpal tunnel), and sleepless nights, I'm hanging in there. It's hard to believe our baby boy will be here in just 10 weeks (maybe sooner!) I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm scared, but most of all, I am joyful! Joyful to be bringing into this world a creation from God alone.

If you know me well, I am a fan of the worship artists Shane & Shane. They wrote this song for their children (who are girls, so I changed it as though it was for our baby boy) and it resonated so much with my heart as I listened to it. I know our son is not born yet, but I wanted to share the lyrics with you..

"hey, hey, sweet son....I'm so proud to be your mother.

each day is like a gift from God.

hey, hey, sweet son....there's no music like your laughter, and your smile is like the rising sun.

you know I loved you from the start, so come in close, take my hand, while mommy shares her heart.

i wish that i could be your everything, be the one to give you all the things you need, sometimes I'm gonna let you down....there's someone if you just believe, He'll be your hero like He's always been for me. darling, Jesus is the one you need.

no matter what you walk through, He will always love you...just the way you are. for there's nothing in this world, that I want for my baby boy than to be happy ever after.

the story of your life is still untold.  i pray the king of all the universe would make your heart his home. i wish that i could be your everything. be the one to give you all the things you need, sometimes i'm gonna let you down. there's someone if you just believe, He'll be your hero, likes He's always been for me, darling Jesus is the one...who will never leave, he's been there all along. oh, when your ready....you can find true love.

i wish that i could be your everything, be the one to give you all the things you need, sometimes I'm gonna let you down. there's someone if you just believe, he'll be your hero like he's always been for me. darling, Jesus is the one you need..."

There is something so beautiful about these lyrics. I want so much for this little boy coming into the world, and I want him to know that there is so much hope in Jesus Christ. I can't fulfill everything as a mother, and neither can his daddy, but I do know that Jesus can, and I pray that our little one knows and understands that as he grows and becomes the man that God created him to be...

28 Weeks & 29 Weeks

I think I've sat in front of the computer screen at least once a day for the past week "attempting" to write my 28 and 29 week update. I've had plenty of things on my mind to talk about. It seemed that every time I was able to sit down, I've been too tired to do anything....which is how I am feeling at this very moment. BUT, I want to continue with this, for many reasons, so here goes..

Can you believe I am in my third trimester already? I can't. Sometimes I wonder where the time has gone, and other times I feel like it's going by way to fast. Either way, the pregnancy symptoms always seem to remind me of how far along I am. For instance, my hands have been feeling like they are "asleep" quite a bit the past two weeks. After doing some research, it seems to be part of pregnancy "carpal tunnel." It would make sense that I experience it. :)

I've been feeling a lot of fear lately. Fear of the unknown. It's mostly due to the fact that this is my first pregnancy and I have NO IDEA what to expect when it comes to labor and delivery. I am nervous. In fact, I am so nervous that sometimes it overwhelms me! God always knows when I am struggling with a particular "fear" in life because certain scripture verses or quotes (usually relating to whatever I am thinking about) will appear to remind me of who God is and/or to bring me comfort. I read this during this past week: "Our fear or our purpose is going to do the driving today; we get to decide who we give the wheel to." God doesn't call us to fear. I have allowed my fears to do the driving, and therefore bring anxiety.  God's purpose for this season in my life is to bear a child, His child. He is the one who will bring me through it, and continue to be my strength throughout this pregnancy. What a beautiful reminder. Just beautiful.

27 Weeks

Not many of you know, but I was born three months early at 26 weeks. My due date was scheduled for March 29th, 1985, and my mom's water broke on December 29th, 1984. She had no choice but to have me. I weighed nearly 2 pounds when I was born...talk about a miracle, huh? I've talked about it with other people before, but I don't think it really "sunk in" until this past week when my sister's cervix began opening up and she started dilating at 26 weeks. It's been a very scary situation to watch, and even more scarier for her family to be experiencing it. God willing she goes home on Monday. Please keep praying for their little man, and that he stays in there at least a few weeks longer. Also, for the next few months as she will have to be on bed-rest until baby boy comes.  So after this scare with my sister, I've realized the dangers that could have came with my premature birth. I am so thankful for my health and the reminder of his faithfulness and sovereignty over my life.  Looking back at this has confirmed to me, through the Spirit, God's purpose for me on this earth. God be praised...

I know I'm only a week away from my third trimester, but I have definitely felt the difference this past week! It's been harder to breathe, and my hands and feet seem to be swelling more. My back hurts and I barely slept last night. Baby McMurry has also gotten the hiccups, which is quite entertaining! He's been moving around more which makes it fun to watch him nudge my sides every once in awhile. It seems that when I am working, he sleeps, and when I am home laying down, he is awake. Ironic. :) I know I'm only 27 weeks, but I feel pretty big for 27 weeks! I'm glad baby is growing, but I am hoping it isn't a 10lb baby (if you know what I mean!) :) 

I've been meditating on this verse recently, and I find that it fits with everything that has happened this week...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

I know this verse was written so that the believers didn't have to abide by the thousands of rules that the Pharisee's made up. They could take the teachings of Jesus and find rest for their souls because it wasn't a "list" of things that burdened them. God knows when we are tired, and weary. God knows when our souls need rest. God knows. He knows when we are fearful, scared, happy, and sad. And this is His promise to us, a command really. So with that, I come to Jesus and rest.

This was in Amish country Ohio down a gravel "road." Dylan and I loved it!

26 Weeks

Dropsy's....is that what it is called? :) Well whatever they call it, I have it (just ask my girls at work!) My balance and ability to pick up things without dropping them has seemed to be lacking this past week. I can't imagine what it will be like if it gets worse! I haven't been too forgetful with things, but I can definitely tell that I have to constantly repeat things in my head to remember them. What is this baby doing to me?! :) Nonetheless, it has been a good week. Other than waking up this morning with my back in lots of pain, I've been blessed by my friend Magen Cass with a Snoogle. Every pregnant woman should own one of these things...just look it up, explaining it won't do it justice. McBaby has been moving around a lot, and seems to be kicking quite often (those are my favorite!) We get another ultra-sound in just a few weeks to make sure his progress is coming along. I am going to try and video tape it if they let me, and then I'll post it on here!

I'm thankful this week, grateful in ways I can't even begin to explain. Something indescribable happens when you are carrying your own child. Questions run through my mind all the time, such as....who is he going to look like the most? What will his passion in life be? Will he love basketball and golf like his daddy? Will he be a momma's boy? I'm reminded of the countless ways in which God has blessed our family this week. These thoughts have been spurred on by something no one should ever have to go through or experience. My heart is breaking for the children and people of Somalia and East Africa. I could be that person living in Somalia, 26 weeks pregnant, and with nothing to eat or drink. Instead, I'm sitting in my air-conditioned home with plenty of food in the fridge and water flowing rapidly all around me. Sometimes I don't understand why I am here, and they are there. To be honest, there are plenty of times where all I want to do is complain about the little "mundane" things in life, when there are so many more important things happening in this world that seemed to be ignored the most. [Although, it's in my humanity that I find this great longing and desire, and belief, in a Savior. It's in the "mundane" that I reach for that which is eternal and desire more than this life here on earth.] We live in such an egocentric world that to think about anybody but ourselves seems almost silly.  So, my prayers go out to East Africa this week, especially for the children and mothers who are starving and/or barely surviving.

Whenever I have a hard time trying to understand the tragic situations in this world, I am always reminded of this part of scripture in Revelation: 

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:1-5

I pray that the people in Africa cling to this promise from the Lord, and place their hope in it. 

Here is a website if you are wanting to know more information about what is happening in East Africa, or if you are willing to donate or help in any way: 
http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/africa/07/20/iyw.howtohelp.somalia.famine/index.html

25 Weeks

Can you believe I am 25 weeks already? I can't. It seems like yesterday I found out I was pregnant! This little boy is growing so fast....I can't wait to meet him. I'm beginning to feel more and more pregnant as the weeks continue. My doctor was telling me that at about 28 weeks is when it starts to become the most uncomfortable, and that if guys had to carry babies, it would be around this time that they would want to cut open their bellies and get them out of there. :) I laughed, and thought about how God really did intend for just women to carry babies. It's such a beautiful concept. We are blessed.

We just got back from celebrating Dylan and I's one year anniversary together, and to spend some quality time before our new addition makes his appearance. We had such a wonderful time in Tybee Island and Savannah, Georgia despite the heat and car troubles, it was such a refreshing and much needed week! We got to take some cool pictures that I'll post at the bottom. My husband is a great photographer with our digital camera. :)

At 25 weeks, our wee little man is about the size of "an average rutabaga." Don't worry, I had to look it up too. He is growing fast, and could even have hair! I've noticed my hair has been growing more and more (seeing as though I JUST got it cut a week ago!), so it will be interesting to see what he looks like when he comes out. I think he is going to look like his daddy, but only time will tell. :) He is moving around a lot, and kicking too (that's usually when I feel it most!) He also likes to sit low near my back, and sciatic nerve. It doesn't always feel good, so I've been trying new positions and ways to maneuver him around! 

Until next week, I've been meditating on this Psalm, and particularly this verse as my prayer:

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

24 Weeks

It has been a whirl-wind of emotions this past week (okay, maybe it's been like that for awhile!) Either way, I am beginning to feel (and look) more and more pregnant as the weeks go on.  I do believe pregnant women should embrace their pregnancy, but sometimes I just feel heavier, everywhere. I've been daydreaming about when I get to start running again, and working out....BUT, for now, I'll try to embrace these moments of bearing our little man.

As for the weekly pregnancy update, I've been feeling pretty good. Aside from the heartburn, feeling worn out more than usual, and some nausea, I've discovered that things could be worse. :)  

I wanted to share a touching and yet bittersweet story about our due date. Many of you may know that Dylan's brother, Patrick Kelly McMurry, passed away on November 20th, 2010.  It was way to soon for him to leave us and it's been difficult for his family, and us, to walk through in many ways. He was an incredible man, and greatly missed. Well, we weren't "trying" to have a kid at this point in our marriage, but I do believe that God ordained it to happen for such a time as this. Our due date is November 19th, a day before Patrick's passing. We are having a little boy, which makes it even more special. We will be mourning the death of a loved one, but God is blessing our family with another "Patrick Kelly McMurry," and we are very excited!

That is my shadow --- although it seems a bit tooo big....I think it's just the way the shadow is. :)

23 Weeks

This picture is sweet in that it was a "Mother, Son" dance at our friends wedding! :)

If I could describe this past week in one word, it would be "tiring." I've haven't felt this tired in a LONG time...and I'm pretty sure the heat has something to do with it (although I've been waiting for this heat for quite some time now.) :)

McBaby has been on the move! He is a squirmy wormy down there, and I love it (well, except in the middle of the night!) It's such an amazing experience to be able to feel him moving.

Dylan and I looked at another apartment this past week. It was perfect for what we wanted, and the price wasn't that much different (it even included a dishwasher, and a hook up for a washer and dryer!) We were really excited about it because it would allow the baby to have more room as he gets older to walk and play around. It would also allow us to have more than one person over. :) After what we thought would be perfect for our little family, God didn't. It took some time for the owner to get back to us, and we realized that things weren't going to work out. It was during this time that I started to be okay if it wasn't what God wanted for us during this next season of our lives. I prayed on the way to work, at work, at home, etc. that if we weren't supposed to have it, than God would close that door. It wasn't some magical prayer, just "God, if you don't want us to have this apartment, I pray you would close the door. I trust You," and He did just that. I am content with the outcome trusting He knows what is BEST for our family. It's funny how we constantly choose what we think is best, without actually seeking God's guidance and wisdom.  As much as we were disappointed in not getting the apartment, we were content with what happened because we know and can trust in God's provision over our lives.

So for now, we are blessed and happy to be able to live where we are. We don't have to have a bigger apartment nor do we absolutely need a dishwasher. We've lived without them for a year, and I know that we can do it for years to come. Now, we can sit back and enjoy the simplistic lifestyle we have in our apartment, in this season of our lives.

These are my AWESOME friends from Starbucks, whom I love dearly, and thank God for their support and encouragement!

22 Weeks

[I've felt the baby move (a lot!) What an incredible feeling -- it seems kind of surreal in a way.  I've also seen the baby move just by staring at my belly! Dylan also felt the baby as well, which brought much joy to him. We went to Babies "R" Us this past week, and suddenly became overwhelmed by all the baby stuff (much like we did when registering for our wedding at Target).  We came to the realization that we are going to need help again.  So, if you have suggestions on what to get and what not to get, We'd appreciate that..]

I've come to the realization (more this week than others) that no one really (men, especially) knows or understands what a pregnant woman is going through.  You may be thinking, "Well, duh Jessie." But I think that it is harder for them to deal with and/or understand us than most people think.  It's one thing when we aren't expecting a baby, but its a whole other world when we are.  I say all that because this past week has been one of those challenging "hormonal weeks." Sometimes I wanted to cry (for no reason), other times I didn't want to talk to anyone (for no reason), and most of the time I was just irritated by everything (for no reason). How's that for a week? :) The crazy part about it all is that MOST of the time I didn't even know I was acting a certain way! Even crazier, I didn't know how to change because I didn't even know what I was doing (It's exhausting!) I read this in my favorite blog the other day and it resonated so much with my heart, so I wanted to share it:

  

"...there is something that seems to take place in my walk with God during this time of pregnancy that unrivals other times in my life. I've found my feelings are completely useless to live by and thus I must rely upon what I know to be TRUE about God, and about myself - not how I FEEL about God or myself. How spiritual I FEEL suddenly means nothing - it can't. 'Cause I don't feel it. Spirituality, more than ever, becomes more about God and less about me. I want it to just remain this way for good.

I find myself talking out loud to Him more than usual - not spiritual sounding prayers, thanksgiving, or the like. It's more like pleas for help, acknowledging weakness, "Oh God, I can't do this. Help me." I know He's there. He helps me every single day.

But I don't always FEEL near to God.
Instead I feel like an emotional pregnant woman working her tail off day and night far from glorious yearnings. Yet I cling to the truth that "The nearness of God is my good." And I find, truly, it is my only good....

There is truly something wonderful about coming to a point in life where it's okay if all I can utter is, "Thank You, Father...for this." And breathing deep and letting it out is a form of worship and trust. Where tears are shed because of silly hormones and yet, you know it's His washing and your cleansing that is taking place. Where the challenges in life aren't tackled with Greek word searches or new spiritual to do lists, or memorizing a new verse, but rather with silent wanting and waiting to just know His nearness."

Pretty truthful, huh? I read that, and I just felt God's peace surround me. Even after all the hormonal spells this week, I know that His nearness is to me my good. Thank you God.

22 Weeks -- in a field in Hartville :)

21 Weeks

Note to self: do not ever watch a LIVE birthing video with your first child, before you give birth.  Let's just say that I watched two videos (one with an epidural, and one without) and I freaked out just a bit! I've never seen a live birth, and I know that I will most likely see one in my birthing classes, BUT I probably could have waited it out. :) Truth be told :: I am scared! Who wouldn't be scared? It's not an EASY thing to do, right? My mind starts playing mind games with me, and I have to start taking every thought captive to the Lord (2 Corinthians 10:5 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every captive, every thought, to make it obedient to Christ!) Am I going to have an epidural, or a natural birth? I'd like to talk about that in this blog entry, and why I feel so strongly about not having one....

I've never been completely against epidurals. I don't think that I've always wanted to go natural either.  I do know that in the beginning of creation, God created male and female, in His image He created them (Genesis 2). But because of the fall (Adam and Eve sinned and ate from the tree of good and evil AFTER God specifically commanded them not to (for their own good!) God gave specific curses for the serpent, Adam, and Eve. Eve's was this: 

"To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 

Now, I now I've never had a child before, and I know that regardless of the epidural, you DO feel pain throughout pregnancy, and in the beginning of the labor process. Does this justify "the severe painful labor we are supposed to feel?" I don't have an answer to that. What I do know is that this is what women should feel as a result of the eating from the tree of life, and disobeying God's commands. As a Christian, the weight of sin is an awful feeling. I also know the feeling of being completely redeemed and set free because of the blood of Jesus Christ, and his sacrifice on the cross for all mankind. We were supposed to die on that cross because of our sins, but instead Christ took our place so that we didn't have to suffer as he did. This doesn't mean that we won't suffer at all as Christians (we are at a constant state of war with sin in our lives -- just read Paul's struggle with sin in Romans 7) but we will always be in this constant struggle with sin until Christ comes in the end. What I am trying to say is that I believe because of the fall, and our disobedient hearts toward God, I should be feeling the pains of childbirth naturally.

I know that I can bring in the idea that God has created smart people, and in turn, they have created medicine, including epidurals, so that we don't have to go through that agonizing pain. But I am truly experiencing what God has intended for me to experience from the beginning? Some food for thought... 

21 Weeks! :) Halfway there!! I feel it, that's for sure! :)

My best friend Lindsey and I out for her 26th birthday at The Vegiterranean in Akron! :) Love her!

20 Weeks

Can you believe I am HALF WAY there already? I can't! In fact, there are days I still can't believe I am going to have a baby! This whole 9 months of preparation is such a blessing from God! Not only am I going to have a baby in November, BUT I am going to be having a baby BOY! I'd like to thank my dad for this one. After having four girls, he is now going to have all the boys he dreamed of (my sister is having a boy too, and she already has Pax + her stepson!) Needless to say, he told me he is VERY VERY excited. I'm so glad we can have boys for him. :)

The one thing I can believe is that I am pregnant! I think I have experienced every symptom that comes with pregnancy (except giving birth, obviously) so far. From the nausea, throwing up, being tired, back aches, leg aches, cravings, mood swings (just ask dylan!) etc, I know what it feels like to be pregnant. I was telling Dylan the other day that when I read my weekly updates on the baby, it always seems to match exactly what I am feeling and/or going through. It definitely answers my constant question of, "Is this normal!?" :) The good part about this week is that I got my sweet tooth back!! Hopefully this will help the weight that I have lost the past few weeks, my doctor's weren't happy about that.

Let's talk about our little boy (it feels so good to finally put a gender to him!)...we do not have any names for him yet! There are some we are tossing around but until we are 110%, we aren't going to say anything. I am just praising God for a healthy baby! I catch myself at times talking to him, and just wanting to make sure he is safe and sound down there. :) I've also felt him move quite a bit, I love that feeling. Please keep baby boy Mcmurry in your prayers, and thanks for being a part of this journey with us...we are very excited!

For those who haven't gotten to see some of the ultrasound pictures, I will post a few here: :) 

19 Weeks

My handsome nephew, Pax and I revealing our bellies! :) Isn't he ADORABLE?

Well, in exactly 3 days we will find out if we are having a boy or girl! Sure, having a girl would be lots of fun but I also know a little boy is JUST as much fun, if not more! :) Either way, we are VERY excited and anticipate Tuesday morning at 10:45. Don't worry, I will keep you all informed (thanks to social networking!)

I am feeling pretty good. My nausea is still there at times. It mostly comes at night now, with occasional spurts in the afternoon. I think this is how it is going to be my whole pregnancy...so I am living with it.

As far as names go....we do have a girl and a guy name picked out! :) We went back and forth a lot with names, but I think that we have confirmed what we both like and agree on! Are we going to tell you? Maybe. We'll let you know when we decide if we are going to wait or not...

Names are so important, aren't they? Think about it, when someone you don't see very often knows your name OR even remembers it, it makes you feel good doesn't it? (I do have to say, I am TERRIBLE with names, and wish I had a better memory when it came to names!) Names are so important because they reveal who you are. There is only one YOU in the world. It's cool to think that God used names in Scripture to reveal that persons character. Usually each name had a specific meaning behind it. Now think about all the names that are used for God in the Bible....the list is exhaustive! We can know so much about God's character if we just study and read his word. I know it sounds simple, but how many times are we disappointed with our relationship with the Lord because we don't feel close to Him, or we don't feel like we know Him. It just makes me think that there is NO excuse when it comes to getting to know our God. The best part of it all, is that when we are around people that exemplify different characteristics of Christ, we start to imitate that same characteristic.  I really enjoy seeing the unique characteristics in the people I am around. I pray that our little one will grow to understand and see who God is through His word, and that he/she will imitate specific characteristics of Christ. I pray that he/she will be involved with a community of believers that represent Christ Kingdom in their daily lives...

18 Weeks

 

 Salt! Salt! Salt! If you would have asked me if I preferred sweet or salty 3 months ago, I would have told you without a doubt sweet! Well, I now understand when people say you crave certain things when you are pregnant. For me, it is anything salty! I was never a fan of salt and vinegar chips, and now I love them. Jalapeno poppers from Sonic have been a specific craving (thanks Sonic for building one right NEXT to Starbucks!) Regardless of what it may be....it's usually salty! I'm not sure what is worse, eating too many sweets, or too much salt! ;) I'm trying to eat healthier for baby McMurry but sometimes it is just plain difficult. This past week I've been craving salads, so I'll try and stick to those for awhile.

We still haven't felt any movement, although I hear from lots of people its usually between 18-22 weeks, so we are hoping it happens sooner than later. I find myself wanting to pray for the baby when I am just sitting there alone. Sometimes it feels kind of weird, like I am talking to nothing, :) even though I know there is a baby in there. What a beautiful thing to do before the baby is born! 

I read this quote from Dallas Willard the other day and I wanted to share it...

"What a child does when not told what to do is the final indicator of what and who that child is." 

This is such a true statement. I pray that our child grows up to be a Godly man or woman, and we can be a Godly example of what it means to follow obediently after the Lord in every area of our lives. I pray that as we imitate Christ, our child will imitate Christ. It's amazing to think that God already knows what our child is going to go through, struggle with, be joyful about, etc. He knows the hairs on his/her head, and the number of days in his/her life (Psalm 139). What an incredible, all-knowing, all-powerful God we serve!

17 Weeks

17 Weeks Pregnant @ Molly Stark :)

Sleep! Oh, Sleep! It's been rough lately, and to think that it is only going to get worse as time progresses worries me a bit. :) I do sleep, but some nights I just toss and turn wondering if I will ever get comfortable. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep better soon.

I have nothing to report as far as feeling the baby, YET! I know that it is coming soon! Sometimes I think I feel something, and then I just psych myself out. A lot of people have been telling me it will feel like a flutter, so that is what I am going to be paying attention too!

I was hoping I would be able to fit into all my jeans and just have to use the belly band, but it seems that they seem to be getting smaller and smaller as I put them on (and to think that baby is only the size of an onion right now!) Oh, the joys of being pregnant! :) I don't mind it though because it just reminds me of how God has fashioned women to have bodies that give birth to human beings! What a beautiful concept.

I've been meditating and reading this Psalm lately:
"My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore." Psalm 131:1-3
Such a short Psalm, and yet so powerful at the same time. I am challenged by David's humility in this Psalm so much. His honesty and vulnerability are revealed in that he doesn't allow himself to be bogged down by the greater things that he may not understand, or comprehend, but he has allowed his heart to be content resting in God alone. His does not make his business that which is God's alone. At the end of verse 2, the Message translates it this way: 'like a baby content in its mother's arms, my soul is a baby content." How many times have you seen a baby in its mothers arms, completely and utterly content? The first thing we do is say things such as, "they look so peaceful and content, so comfortable."Right? That is my prayer this week, that my heart and soul would be like a baby content in its mother's arms...resting in God alone. I pray this for you too. :)

16 Weeks

So, let's just say that being 16 weeks is NO different than the last 15! ;) I am still feeling nauseous at times, and the past few days I haven't been sleeping very good (I hope this doesn't keep up!) Other than that, we found out that the sex of the baby will be revealed to us on June 28th! My sister is due around the same time as me, and she is going to try and find out what she is having on that same day too. It will be fun to find out together (and reveal to everyone else together!)

I had a doctor's apt. this past Thursday, and the nurse said to me "Wow! Your baby is on the move!" I got a laugh out of that, and enjoyed to hear "it' is having fun down there. Surprisingly, even though I work at Starbucks, I have stayed away from caffeine for the most part. Sometimes I'll drink an occasional green tea, but coffee hasn't been sounding very good to me (SO glad I don't get nauseous working at Starbucks or being around coffee -- thank you God!) Overall, things seem to be going well, and we are so excited in the next week or so to be able to feel the movement of the baby (hopefully!) I've been trying to feel for movement, but I haven't been able to YET. I'm sure I'll have more exciting news next week!

Until then...I've been meditating on this scripture from Deuteronomy....

"Understand therefore, that the Lord your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands." Deut. 7:9, and it follows with a cursing for those who hate him and disobey him.

I really enjoy seeing parts of God's character revealed in this book. Before these verses, God specifically reminds them that he shows no favoritism, and didn't choose Israel as a people because they were more numerous than all the others. He choose them because He is a God who KEEPS his promises, and He is FAITHFUL. He is the REDEEMER, who redeemed them from slavery in Egypt (and continues to bring redemption), and this covenant of LOVE he has committed to will continue for THOUSANDS of generations (that includes us!) God allows the people to choose what they would do (we still get that choice), and he reveals to them the repercussions if they do not obey (there are consequences for believers/non-believers). He reveals parts of His character and His unfailing love. What an incredible and faithful God we serve....our job is to obey his commands, and love unconditionally!

15 Weeks

We're having a boy!....actually were having a girl! Maybe were having twins, a boy and a girl? :) This week has been a non-stop guessing game for every person I've talked to about what the gender could be. It's funny to me how people think they just "know" what you are going to have. Oh, if you have headaches all the time, you are going to have a boy. If you are more nauseous, you are for sure going to have a girl. People talk like they are 110% sure about what you are having, it is too funny! It is fun to try and guess, but at this point only God knows, and I am content with that. :)

Do we want a boy, or girl? To be honest, I am in-different! Sure, it would be fun to have a girl, because I am a girl, and I know all the fun stuff that comes along with that (most of the time). I also know that boys are lots of fun because I have a nephew, and he is amazing! So with that, it will be exciting either way. I will let you all know in 5 weeks! :)

Still feeling pretty nauseous at at specific times, and hoping it goes away soon! Haven't felt any movement YET, but hope too in the next few weeks! That will be incredible, and VERY exciting. Until then...enjoying (mostly) this day by day experience.

14 Weeks

I've never been an "avid" blogger. I always wanted to be one but never took the time to sit down and do it. Well, now that I am pregnant, I thought it would be fun to write down everything and look back on it someday. :) So, here I am....14 weeks pregnant, and still nauseous! I thought it might have gone away by now, but sometimes it feels worse! I'm hoping that it subsides soon so that I can enjoy my evenings. (I am lucky in that I haven't thrown up! Thank you Lord.)
I'm feeling really good otherwise. My work schedule keeps me busy (35+hours) every week, and after walking/running the Cleveland half-marathon last weekend, I'm sure that I can do anything with this baby! :) There are times when I start to think about having a baby and get really scared/anxious, but I am trying to focus on the every day enjoyment of being pregnant.
The idea of birth has really boggled my mind lately. It's like when I start to think about how big the universe actually is, and my finite mind cannot comprehend such a thing (sometimes I go crazy trying to think about it!) That is exactly what happens when I think about God allowing women to give birth. To birth human beings. I am thankful and praise God for the bodies to be able to do it. I'm excited to see the progress over the next months, and can't wait to find out exactly what we will be having! Until then, I'll try to keep you all updated as much as possible about the progression. Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts....
His+JOY,
Jessie