22 Weeks

[I've felt the baby move (a lot!) What an incredible feeling -- it seems kind of surreal in a way.  I've also seen the baby move just by staring at my belly! Dylan also felt the baby as well, which brought much joy to him. We went to Babies "R" Us this past week, and suddenly became overwhelmed by all the baby stuff (much like we did when registering for our wedding at Target).  We came to the realization that we are going to need help again.  So, if you have suggestions on what to get and what not to get, We'd appreciate that..]

I've come to the realization (more this week than others) that no one really (men, especially) knows or understands what a pregnant woman is going through.  You may be thinking, "Well, duh Jessie." But I think that it is harder for them to deal with and/or understand us than most people think.  It's one thing when we aren't expecting a baby, but its a whole other world when we are.  I say all that because this past week has been one of those challenging "hormonal weeks." Sometimes I wanted to cry (for no reason), other times I didn't want to talk to anyone (for no reason), and most of the time I was just irritated by everything (for no reason). How's that for a week? :) The crazy part about it all is that MOST of the time I didn't even know I was acting a certain way! Even crazier, I didn't know how to change because I didn't even know what I was doing (It's exhausting!) I read this in my favorite blog the other day and it resonated so much with my heart, so I wanted to share it:

  

"...there is something that seems to take place in my walk with God during this time of pregnancy that unrivals other times in my life. I've found my feelings are completely useless to live by and thus I must rely upon what I know to be TRUE about God, and about myself - not how I FEEL about God or myself. How spiritual I FEEL suddenly means nothing - it can't. 'Cause I don't feel it. Spirituality, more than ever, becomes more about God and less about me. I want it to just remain this way for good.

I find myself talking out loud to Him more than usual - not spiritual sounding prayers, thanksgiving, or the like. It's more like pleas for help, acknowledging weakness, "Oh God, I can't do this. Help me." I know He's there. He helps me every single day.

But I don't always FEEL near to God.
Instead I feel like an emotional pregnant woman working her tail off day and night far from glorious yearnings. Yet I cling to the truth that "The nearness of God is my good." And I find, truly, it is my only good....

There is truly something wonderful about coming to a point in life where it's okay if all I can utter is, "Thank You, Father...for this." And breathing deep and letting it out is a form of worship and trust. Where tears are shed because of silly hormones and yet, you know it's His washing and your cleansing that is taking place. Where the challenges in life aren't tackled with Greek word searches or new spiritual to do lists, or memorizing a new verse, but rather with silent wanting and waiting to just know His nearness."

Pretty truthful, huh? I read that, and I just felt God's peace surround me. Even after all the hormonal spells this week, I know that His nearness is to me my good. Thank you God.

22 Weeks -- in a field in Hartville :)