23 Weeks

This picture is sweet in that it was a "Mother, Son" dance at our friends wedding! :)

If I could describe this past week in one word, it would be "tiring." I've haven't felt this tired in a LONG time...and I'm pretty sure the heat has something to do with it (although I've been waiting for this heat for quite some time now.) :)

McBaby has been on the move! He is a squirmy wormy down there, and I love it (well, except in the middle of the night!) It's such an amazing experience to be able to feel him moving.

Dylan and I looked at another apartment this past week. It was perfect for what we wanted, and the price wasn't that much different (it even included a dishwasher, and a hook up for a washer and dryer!) We were really excited about it because it would allow the baby to have more room as he gets older to walk and play around. It would also allow us to have more than one person over. :) After what we thought would be perfect for our little family, God didn't. It took some time for the owner to get back to us, and we realized that things weren't going to work out. It was during this time that I started to be okay if it wasn't what God wanted for us during this next season of our lives. I prayed on the way to work, at work, at home, etc. that if we weren't supposed to have it, than God would close that door. It wasn't some magical prayer, just "God, if you don't want us to have this apartment, I pray you would close the door. I trust You," and He did just that. I am content with the outcome trusting He knows what is BEST for our family. It's funny how we constantly choose what we think is best, without actually seeking God's guidance and wisdom.  As much as we were disappointed in not getting the apartment, we were content with what happened because we know and can trust in God's provision over our lives.

So for now, we are blessed and happy to be able to live where we are. We don't have to have a bigger apartment nor do we absolutely need a dishwasher. We've lived without them for a year, and I know that we can do it for years to come. Now, we can sit back and enjoy the simplistic lifestyle we have in our apartment, in this season of our lives.

These are my AWESOME friends from Starbucks, whom I love dearly, and thank God for their support and encouragement!

22 Weeks

[I've felt the baby move (a lot!) What an incredible feeling -- it seems kind of surreal in a way.  I've also seen the baby move just by staring at my belly! Dylan also felt the baby as well, which brought much joy to him. We went to Babies "R" Us this past week, and suddenly became overwhelmed by all the baby stuff (much like we did when registering for our wedding at Target).  We came to the realization that we are going to need help again.  So, if you have suggestions on what to get and what not to get, We'd appreciate that..]

I've come to the realization (more this week than others) that no one really (men, especially) knows or understands what a pregnant woman is going through.  You may be thinking, "Well, duh Jessie." But I think that it is harder for them to deal with and/or understand us than most people think.  It's one thing when we aren't expecting a baby, but its a whole other world when we are.  I say all that because this past week has been one of those challenging "hormonal weeks." Sometimes I wanted to cry (for no reason), other times I didn't want to talk to anyone (for no reason), and most of the time I was just irritated by everything (for no reason). How's that for a week? :) The crazy part about it all is that MOST of the time I didn't even know I was acting a certain way! Even crazier, I didn't know how to change because I didn't even know what I was doing (It's exhausting!) I read this in my favorite blog the other day and it resonated so much with my heart, so I wanted to share it:

  

"...there is something that seems to take place in my walk with God during this time of pregnancy that unrivals other times in my life. I've found my feelings are completely useless to live by and thus I must rely upon what I know to be TRUE about God, and about myself - not how I FEEL about God or myself. How spiritual I FEEL suddenly means nothing - it can't. 'Cause I don't feel it. Spirituality, more than ever, becomes more about God and less about me. I want it to just remain this way for good.

I find myself talking out loud to Him more than usual - not spiritual sounding prayers, thanksgiving, or the like. It's more like pleas for help, acknowledging weakness, "Oh God, I can't do this. Help me." I know He's there. He helps me every single day.

But I don't always FEEL near to God.
Instead I feel like an emotional pregnant woman working her tail off day and night far from glorious yearnings. Yet I cling to the truth that "The nearness of God is my good." And I find, truly, it is my only good....

There is truly something wonderful about coming to a point in life where it's okay if all I can utter is, "Thank You, Father...for this." And breathing deep and letting it out is a form of worship and trust. Where tears are shed because of silly hormones and yet, you know it's His washing and your cleansing that is taking place. Where the challenges in life aren't tackled with Greek word searches or new spiritual to do lists, or memorizing a new verse, but rather with silent wanting and waiting to just know His nearness."

Pretty truthful, huh? I read that, and I just felt God's peace surround me. Even after all the hormonal spells this week, I know that His nearness is to me my good. Thank you God.

22 Weeks -- in a field in Hartville :)

21 Weeks

Note to self: do not ever watch a LIVE birthing video with your first child, before you give birth.  Let's just say that I watched two videos (one with an epidural, and one without) and I freaked out just a bit! I've never seen a live birth, and I know that I will most likely see one in my birthing classes, BUT I probably could have waited it out. :) Truth be told :: I am scared! Who wouldn't be scared? It's not an EASY thing to do, right? My mind starts playing mind games with me, and I have to start taking every thought captive to the Lord (2 Corinthians 10:5 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every captive, every thought, to make it obedient to Christ!) Am I going to have an epidural, or a natural birth? I'd like to talk about that in this blog entry, and why I feel so strongly about not having one....

I've never been completely against epidurals. I don't think that I've always wanted to go natural either.  I do know that in the beginning of creation, God created male and female, in His image He created them (Genesis 2). But because of the fall (Adam and Eve sinned and ate from the tree of good and evil AFTER God specifically commanded them not to (for their own good!) God gave specific curses for the serpent, Adam, and Eve. Eve's was this: 

"To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 

Now, I now I've never had a child before, and I know that regardless of the epidural, you DO feel pain throughout pregnancy, and in the beginning of the labor process. Does this justify "the severe painful labor we are supposed to feel?" I don't have an answer to that. What I do know is that this is what women should feel as a result of the eating from the tree of life, and disobeying God's commands. As a Christian, the weight of sin is an awful feeling. I also know the feeling of being completely redeemed and set free because of the blood of Jesus Christ, and his sacrifice on the cross for all mankind. We were supposed to die on that cross because of our sins, but instead Christ took our place so that we didn't have to suffer as he did. This doesn't mean that we won't suffer at all as Christians (we are at a constant state of war with sin in our lives -- just read Paul's struggle with sin in Romans 7) but we will always be in this constant struggle with sin until Christ comes in the end. What I am trying to say is that I believe because of the fall, and our disobedient hearts toward God, I should be feeling the pains of childbirth naturally.

I know that I can bring in the idea that God has created smart people, and in turn, they have created medicine, including epidurals, so that we don't have to go through that agonizing pain. But I am truly experiencing what God has intended for me to experience from the beginning? Some food for thought... 

21 Weeks! :) Halfway there!! I feel it, that's for sure! :)

My best friend Lindsey and I out for her 26th birthday at The Vegiterranean in Akron! :) Love her!

20 Weeks

Can you believe I am HALF WAY there already? I can't! In fact, there are days I still can't believe I am going to have a baby! This whole 9 months of preparation is such a blessing from God! Not only am I going to have a baby in November, BUT I am going to be having a baby BOY! I'd like to thank my dad for this one. After having four girls, he is now going to have all the boys he dreamed of (my sister is having a boy too, and she already has Pax + her stepson!) Needless to say, he told me he is VERY VERY excited. I'm so glad we can have boys for him. :)

The one thing I can believe is that I am pregnant! I think I have experienced every symptom that comes with pregnancy (except giving birth, obviously) so far. From the nausea, throwing up, being tired, back aches, leg aches, cravings, mood swings (just ask dylan!) etc, I know what it feels like to be pregnant. I was telling Dylan the other day that when I read my weekly updates on the baby, it always seems to match exactly what I am feeling and/or going through. It definitely answers my constant question of, "Is this normal!?" :) The good part about this week is that I got my sweet tooth back!! Hopefully this will help the weight that I have lost the past few weeks, my doctor's weren't happy about that.

Let's talk about our little boy (it feels so good to finally put a gender to him!)...we do not have any names for him yet! There are some we are tossing around but until we are 110%, we aren't going to say anything. I am just praising God for a healthy baby! I catch myself at times talking to him, and just wanting to make sure he is safe and sound down there. :) I've also felt him move quite a bit, I love that feeling. Please keep baby boy Mcmurry in your prayers, and thanks for being a part of this journey with us...we are very excited!

For those who haven't gotten to see some of the ultrasound pictures, I will post a few here: :)