Refuge in Him & Be Present ::

I think I've sat in front of this computer screen atleast (if not more than) a dozen times, staring at the blank white space, and contemplating writing every little thing on my mind. It would probably take longer than you can imagine. Life has been crazy, different, and oh so good. There are many days of frustration, lots of smiley days, and a few bad ones. Some days, I just stare at Kai and can't believe he is ours. This little bundle of joy that was growing in my belly is finally out in the world, and already three months old. Where has the time gone? Actually, I can tell you because it's been a rough three months with his colic. We have good days, and then there are the really bad days where all I want to do is curl up in a ball and scream (I usually do the latter!) BUT on the good days I can't help but stare at Kai and think about the wonderful blessing he is in our lives. A gift. God's good, good gifts that he wants to give to his children. I am so thankful for these gifts.

I do love being a mommy. Even after all of the sleep deprivation, frustration's, life's happenings, etc. There is something so beautiful about it. Now, I'm not going to lie, since it's been a rough first 3 months with our little man, more times than not throughout the day, we catch ourselves saying, "we can't wait until he is 4, 5, 6 months old!" So here is a gentle rebuke from the Lord that I read from a friends blog the other day, that is much needed today, and a reminder for the days to come...."Be present. Take it all in. Enjoy. Be satisfied with what I've given you for the day. It is from My hand."

It's easy (well, kind of) for me to wake up at 3 AM, feed Kai while simultaneously checking Facebook, watching an episode on Hulu, mindlessly scrolling through Pinterest (these are the times I pin the most, as you can tell!), etc. In those little moments that I do look down at Kai, he has changed so much in the short three months he's been born! Someone told me the other day, "it will go fast, the days are long, but the years are oh so fast." Waking up almost every night at 3 AM feels like an eternity, but the past three months seem to have flown by.

I'm not saying that these things are wrong, but what I am saying is that I do at times use these things to escape. Instead of taking in every little moment and truly watching Kai as if it were my last day on earth, I seem to turn to mindless things. Things that aren't nearly as important as sitting in the quiet and listening to God, turning AND tuning everything off that distracts me from his still, small voice....and taking in the goodness and faithfulness of God. He is the one who has given us this perfect gift, and for that, deserves all honor and glory.

So, my prayer is to refuge in Him, and still be fully present while being Kai's mom. :)

"By God's grace, even in the hard moments, I knew that the job of being a mother was what God had created my heart for. We had our struggles, but at the end of the day, we were each in love with this new things we called family in this new place we called home." {Katie Davis}